I have been looking at this poor torn flag for a few weeks. First I didn't have a ladder to get up there to change it, then it was weather. Today I had everything I needed and I got it done in the cold with a few snow flakes coming down. It bothers me to see our flag so torn up.
So this got me thinking when I drove up to replace this flag. I thought how symbolic it was, how at times over these last months I have felt torn apart. In the last few weeks for some reason, I have been struggling with getting my s__t together. I have been anxious, stressed, depressed, angry, agitated and friggin' emotional. Yes it could be the moon cycle, maybe my hormones kicking in too, but I also feel like I have managed to keep myself really busy since Covid started and now that I have slowed down and not working at the Coop as much, I have had way too much time to be in my own head, at times a very scary place to be.
Today, something kind of released. I'm not saying I've got it figured out, far from that. I am such a work in progress. I was having a hard time seeing the things I was accomplishing and instead was beating myself up for not getting my act together. I wanted to have people come to do art classes, but I wasn't posting anything. I was reluctant to have people come into my studio I think. I know there are a lot of classes online but I just wasn't ready to figure out the tech side and put myself out there. I have just been in a very weird space in my head and the flag just brought up these feelings I have been literally fighting with, taring myself up inside.
I am going with a new beginning, that putting up the new flag symbolizes . Tomorrow is a new day, I can always start again. Though the flag was feeling rather beaten up, I am hoping the new one gives the feeling of being cared for and supported as we all move forward in these times. A fresh flag of welcome and a wave as you drive by.
I do believe it is the Covid times we are in that has me in this state, but I also believe I don't have to stay in this state of mind either. Recognize, acknowledge and move forward. The alternative sucks, so why not?
I wonder how many others are out there suffering in silence? We aren't sick, for the most part are lives are pretty good and we have tons to be grateful for. If you are feeling any of these feelings, know that you are not alone. If you want to take your mind off these times, contact me for a time to come out and provide a distraction.